Hey guys,
This is Levi checking in. I've spent seven and a half hours in class, five hours doing homework, and every other second worrying about Friday and doing all the background "business" stuff required to have anyone half interested in listening to your music. There will never be enough time in a day.. I'm sitting here feeling absolutely drained, utterly discouraged, and endlessly frustrated. Here's why.
After everything I've labored over today, and all the hours spent working my butt off, I realize that I didn't take a second to pray. I couldn't find even five minutes to talk to God, maybe thank Him that I'm, I don't know, BREATHING! Didn't thank Him for allowing me to play music with the guys, blessing me with the opportunity to go to school, bringing the most incredible girlfriend into my life. I lost sight of it all. This is what will kill us. I mean it too.. Everything that I take on, I take on with God's grace and His strength. Is it exhausting? Absolutely! Does it suck to pour your heart out doing exactly what you were made to do only to have your ministry put down by "important" people, or even put down by pastors? Yesh.. But we, as Christians are able to push on because God gives us that strength and that passion to keep praising Him. I've had the honor of being called to a life of service to Him. Whether it's through my conversations, my music or even just my smiles in the store, I'm trying to live a life that draws people to Him.
But today, and even this past week.. You know what, I'd go as far as to say this past month.. I lost it. Lost sight of the goal. Business overtook me, and "success" (what they've been telling me it is anyway) was looking close. I put my priorities in the wrong order with Him at the back and myself (and my critics) at the front. So today I'm humbled. I'm watching the old Hillsong United "Look to You" dvd listening to "All I Need Is You" and I'm right back in that spot where it all started, crazy in love with God and less than interested in myself and my agendas. I should be sleeping, because tomorrow's going to be busier than today was, but I wanted to verbalize all this before my pride kicked in. I'm just a broken dude trying to figure things out and set myself up to provide for a family someday. I don't have it figured out.. But I know that today was unacceptable, and that if you want to burn out, cutting God out of the picture is a great place to start.
We're having a cd release party this Friday at six thirty at Emmanuel church in Barrie. It's going to be an intimate night with some snacks, some coffee, and some time where we can pour our cd out to you. I hope you can make it out. I appreciate you guys. Thanks for listening. I'm not wearing an entertainer hat today. Sorry :)
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